Submitted by Melanie Holmes, author of The Female Assumption: Freeing Women from the View that Motherhood is a Mandate.
Melanie will speak at the first-ever NotMom Summit, October 9-10, 2015, in Cleveland, Ohio.
The Call
When an earthquake hit Haiti in 2010, Jenn listened to a journalist report the devastating loss of life; and in the reporter’s arms she saw a child. When the reporter said, “Thousands of children have lost their parents,” Jenn instantly thought, “I could be that child’s parent.” That small spark of thought called to Jenn… the call to adopt.
Jenn remembers her mom’s stories about Haiti while growing up; so this place held personal significance for her. Jenn was aware of international food policies that had adversely impacted Haiti since the 1980s.
Having taken part in a mission trip to Mexico with her church, Jenn’s mind turned to the idea of a mission trip to Haiti. As she searched for an organization going there, her own church announced plans for their first-ever trip to Haiti. This served as one more sign, or spark, among many that eventually led Jenn to answer the call to adopt.
When an earthquake hits, the borders typically close except for big organizations, capable of large-scale volunteerism to clean up and assist. Thus, the mission trip was put off. In 2012, Jenn’s church finally received the green light, and Jenn found herself in Haiti.
Contemplation
As a single woman in her mid-30s, Jenn searched her soul regarding adoption. Although it wasn’t previously on her radar, she felt a strong calling to change one child’s life. Jenn talked with family and friends, and as she did so, more signs caught her attention. For example, on a highway she rarely travels, a billboard implored, “Have You Considered Adoption?” And a friend handed her a book that appeared to be about flowers (because of Jenn’s love of gardening). The book’s main character spent her life in foster care; she was never adopted, and was turned out of foster care at age 18, unable to connect or trust others. The message that adoption could have made a difference was clear.
Legal Process and Timing
The legal process for adoption is different in each country. It took Jenn two-and-a-half years to complete. When she traveled to Haiti to meet Samuel, he was eight months old. Jenn spent three days getting to know him. The adoption became legal when Samuel was 10 months old; however, it was six more months until Samuel came home with his new mom to the U.S.
Some people ask if it was hard waiting eight months for Samuel to arrive after meeting him. Jenn said that although she missed his first words and steps, it wasn’t as hard as it might be for those whose lifelong dream of adoption is on the verge of fulfillment. Jenn was answering a clear call, and she humbly waited for the process to unfold. She used the time to contemplate the changes that were about to take place and to prepare for Samuel’s arrival.
The Transition
The initial weeks were a bit of a blur for Jenn. Sleeping patterns fluctuated (his and hers), but eventually, things settled into a routine. An adoption coordinator visited soon after Samuel’s arrival, and Jenn remembers describing her feelings as a “long-term babysitter.” Jenn had taken a preparation class and recognized her feelings as a normal part of the transition period. Asked how long it took to fully bond, Jenn answers, “About a year.”
Today
Samuel just turned three years old and August marks two years that he’s been in his new home with his mom. Although Jenn’s family does not live in the area, she has the support of some wonderful friends and neighbors. Jenn is grateful that she has the strength and resources to change one child’s life, and feels blessed to have Samuel as her son.
The Haitian government requires annual reports on Samuel’s well-being. Jenn reports that he has adjusted well and is a happy, rambunctious toddler.
Melanie Holmes is a mother of three, with 30 years perspective. Her love for her daughter prompted her to interview/poll 200 women and write about this topic. She passionately advocates the view that motherhood should be viewed as a choice, not a mandate.
Melanie writes about diversity and gender issues on her blog, and in her book, The Female Assumption: A Mother’s Story, Freeing Women From the View that Motherhood is a Mandate. You can also find her on Facebook.
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