Sue Lick, who recently published a book called “Childless by Marriage” graciously shared our site on her blog.
She also expressed her discomfort with the term “mother” as we are using it in our name: “Childless Mothers”…
She opened it up for discussion and began an interesting dialogue…
Here’s my 2 cents:
From the perspective of my heart, using the term “Childless Mothers” is not meant to impose Motherhood in the traditional sense on anyone, but rather to acknowledge part of the human experience … which can, at any time, embody the archetypal spirt of a “mother”. We call it “Mother Nature” because it is universal. From my point of view, there lies the POTENTIAL of mothering energy in all of us through the birthing and nurturing of ideas, the generosity of spirit, and sharing unconditional love for ourselves and those around us. Some women may choose to tap into this innate capacity and others may not.
So we are using it here not literally but figuratively of course…articulating it as a “verb” vs. a “noun”…as something that is not limited to biology, or even gender but is more about a consciousness to recognize as sacred and worthy of celebration.
I have found on this journey that the word “childless” and “mother” in this context congers much debate. I think it reflects a highly charge experience for so many of us and that is why it’s so wonderful to have these discussions with one another. That is also why I am currently also writing a book and would love to interview anyone else reading this blog who would like to share their experience of not have children. Your identity will be kept confidential. If you are interested in participating please email me at marcy@cmoma.org
Here is the link to Sue’s conversation of the term “childless mother” on her blog: http://childlessbymarriage.blogspot.com/2012/05/are-we-childless-mothers.html
Please join in by posting your comments here. Curious minds want to know … how does the term “Childless MOTHER” impact and feel to you?
May the sharings continue!
Paula Johnson
Hi Marcy, I definitely see myself as a ‘childless’ mother and have no problems with the term…I mother my cat like she’s my child…I have two beautiful sponsor children in Bali that I have met and they have helped fill the void in my heart that I didn’t realize was there until I did meet them and get to know them. They are not my children that I gave birth to but they bring up the natural motherly instinct in me all the same. I think women are born ‘mothers’ whether we realize it or not…
Dr. Marcy
How wonderful Paula! How was it that you got connected to these two children in Bali?
Sue Fagalde Lick
Thanks for the mention, Marcy. For me, it’s all a matter of language. Certainly we have creative and nurturing energy that can be called mothering. We can mother our plants, our pets, our art projects, the people in our lives. But it’s still not the same as giving birth to a baby and raising it to adulthood.
I hesitantly point out that if you do an Internet search for “childless mothers,” you will find some cases where it refers to women whose children have died. Something to think about.
I look forward to reading what your readers say.
Dr. Marcy
Yes….thanx for your comment Sue. By connecting the energy of “mothering” we of course are not comparing or measuring what that means…and certainly it’s not the same as bearing and/or raising children on a daily basis.
I am also aware that sometimes women who have lost children have been referenced in this way. So I suppose the take away is that when there are generic descriptive terms that can have a broad meaning, it’s just up to us as authors, and communicators to try to be clear as the context in which we are referencing…
Onward!