This piece, by Dr. Nancy B. Irwin, author of “YOU-TURN: Changing Direction in Midlife”, was originally posted over at A Child After 40, a website dedicated to “women on the journey of later motherhood”. We gratefully re-post with their permission!
But there’s a way to cope with fears about fertility when you’re older, and to help yourself to manifest a happy outcome. It is easier to get pregnant after 40 if you are not constantly worrying about it.
We get whatever we focus on, and whatever we focus on expands. It seems subtle, yet there is a profound difference in focusing on infertility versus focusing on fertility.
Simply flip the “coin” around and turn the negative thoughts and feelings into positive, desirable perspectives:
Checklist: Reduce Fertility Anxiety Over 40
Take pregnancies of other women over 40 as proof that it can happen to you, too, instead of feeling the natural pangs of jealousy and comparison.
Accept the fact that you may indeed not be able to conceive. This acceptance can allow your anxiety and need to control the outcome to dissipate. Do research into adoption in the US and abroad. Explore surrogacy options. If you are truly committed to being a parent, be open and flexible to the many options that are available today. While you may certainly prefer the natural way, shift your commitment to having and raising a child. Period.
Grasp the distinction between making something happen and allowing it to happen.
Avoid alcohol and eat healthful foods, avoiding chemicals and preservatives as much as possible.
Practice yoga and/or other forms of exercise, for the mental relief and prepare your body for motherhood.
Find a good therapist or spiritual advisor or life coach to turn anxiety and panic into eager anticipation and excitement.
Put a picture of a beautiful newborn baby on a vision board with the words: “If it is meant to be…”
Write letters to your future child, welcoming him/her at the right time for all parties concerned. Let the baby know you are more than willing and honored to be the vessel, if he/she chooses you as a mother.
Know that there are many ways to give to children outside of being a mother per se. Mother Theresa and Oprah never had kids.
Explore other outlets for your mothering/nurturing needs: begin charity work for at risk children or orphans, or be a volunteer coach for a sports team or teach creative arts to kids in a shelter.
- Acknowledge unanswered prayers. Rather pray or meditate for acceptance that everything that happens to you happens for you.