Mothering is a verb, just like love…..it’s about creating, nourishing, nurturing, guiding, loving. Over 20% of women today do not have biological or adopted children, either because they have decided not to do so, or it has not come to be “yet” for one reason or another. But within that reality, we still mother….all the time! We nurture our Animals, Nieces, Nephews, Step-Children, God-Children, Friends, our Friends’ children, Siblings, Parents, Employees, Clients and yes…..our furry children too! I for one am an Aunt to 9, a Great-Aunt to 2, a Step-Mom to 2, a God-Moma to 3, and “Aunt Marcy” to many friends’ children.
This blog post is the first in the series of 10 under the “Who are Your Mothering” theme….each post will focus on the various stated ways we mother. Feel free to add more!
The 1st blog post in this series I chose to begin with is about who I mother on a daily basis…my fury beauty Daisy. After 2 years going through infertility treatments, my parents surprised me with her while visiting them in Florida. At first I was thriiled. How could I not be…she was SO DAMN CUTE! But then the panic…..how will I travel on 2 planes for 10 hours with her back to the West Coast? My husband and I have busy lives…..how will we take care of her? Can we take care of her? Will we be good enough parents? My friend with 3 sons heard my panic and cold feet on the phone and laughed…..hard. She said…..”Omg Marcy….you sound like a new mother….this IS how it feels”! I’ve always needed a sense of what I call “Psychological Freedom” in every decision I make, so that it represents an experience versus a trap. And so I always know there is a way in and out. So, my parents and I made a deal. I would bring puppy Daisy home with me for a few months until they arrived in the summer. If we could not give her the attention she needed, they would happily take her home. “Phew” as I exhaled into feeling like I had the freedom to now mother this creature…at least for a while.
Now, after 4.5 years, you could not pay me….any amount of money, to take this animal away from me (well maybe just for the Summer if it’s in the 7 figures…:).
She is the closest 4 legged being that has showed me what those maternal instincts really feel like. When I’m gone too long I feel the nagging guilt pangs and feel ansy to get home to her; when she gets sick I feel sick; I smother her with kisses like my mother smothered me ( and yes……she runs away sometime like I did too); and yes again….I would throw myself in front of a moving train for her!
I know my sweet parents gave Daisy to me and my husband because they felt my heartbreak over not being able to conceive a child. They also knew exactly what my heart needed. So certainly….on this matter….my Mother absolutely “knew best”.