WHO HAS “MOTHERED” YOU?
We reference women with children as “Mothers” … a noun. And then there is “mothering“, the verb … the act of nurturing, caring, guiding, protecting, loving. When we say “It takes a village” to raise a child, it is because we expect and hope that every child born can ideally be “raised” and “mothered” by many throughout his or her life. I have created a platform called “Childless Mothers” because, while we may not have bore or adopted a child up until this point in our lives, there is still the “mother” that lies in all of us. The “mother” archetype within sees, hears, intuits, nourishes, helps, and loves with passion and loyalty. Likewise, we have been mothered, hopefully, by a few significant and special women in our lives.
I invite you to share an example of a woman, besides your “Mother”, who mothered you. Who loved you unconditionally and how did she let you know that? Who saw you for who you really are and encouraged you to share your voice and sing your song? Who was a role model of what it is to be a real woman? Who taught you important lessons in life that serve you to this day? We would love to learn more about you and her.
The woman I want to share with you today is Causa. She was our housekeeper who began working for my parents when I was six years old. I was the only child at home since my older brother and sisters had already left for college. Both my parents worked and so it was Causa and I everyday together after school. She was on double duty, taking care of the house and me! She was often busy and I was bored. I carried on with Causa in ways I dared not do with my parents. There were no play dates or classes in those days…what were they thinking! Despite the tendency to rationalize, Cause never did tell my parents about my horrid acting out. But one day she had enough. She literally walked out of the house and said “I’m done“! I distinctly remember the terror of that particular “A Ha” moment, realizing that my behavior actually had the power to drive someone important away”. I ran after her, begging her to forgive me and to “please come back”. According to her, “ever since that day she was the sweetest child that ever was.” I don’t know about that…but what I do know is that she taught me the very valuable lessons to not take people who are kind to you for granted, show respect no matter what, and to realize that my words and actions can have an effect on others.
So we carried on, from then on out, thick as thieves. I remember our talks on the way to her dropping me off at Hebrew school every week, instructing her to pretend she did not see us, as the first “kiss” was pending one day after school; crying the hardest when I hugged her goodbye when I left for college, knowing it would never be the same again. I grew to admire her so much, as she with a eleventh grade education raised three beautiful boys to become amazing men who always called her “Mother Dear”. For the past 30 years I have come home and always visited Causa. For she mothered me in a way that always felt like “home”, comprised of unconditional love, giggly delight when I would walk through her door, and a closeness of heart that was always rock solid. There was never a man in my life that did not need to meet her when they came home with me for the first time. Somehow my bond could not feel complete without sharing her with them.
Cause passed away last Friday, July 20, 2012. The tears that came were so primal, as the finality of never being able to see her again sunk in immediately. She called me her “daughter” which always made me proud. She has been a steady and loving mother to me, with the purest heart I have ever known. I will cherish her memory and miss her forever.
Who was someone in you life who mothered you? Who made you feel special, loved you unconditionally, heard your voice and could see into your heart?
Who was a role model of what you would want to emulate. Who taught you important lessons in life that serve you to this day?
Please do share…it’s important for us to honor these women, and to remind one another how deeply we have been impacted and how we can so meaningfully impact the lives of others.